firstmeet.

Butterflies, shivers, lip-biting, pre-game rituals.
And i'm still a little rusty.

Tommorow is the first wrestling meet of the year for me, and by the looks of it, it's probably going to be one of very few that i will be going to all year.

Unfortunately for me, i already get really antsy about all meets that i go to. This one being the first and one of the few makes it all the more daunting. Honestly, i could barely think about anything else all day long, nothing broke my trance, not the lack of chocolate i had at lunch (which would normally be traumatic. yahsrsly.), not the boring, boring french class assignment.

If you had paid close attention to me today (which i'm glad no one actually did. thankgoodness.) you would have seen me biting me lip, biting my nails, biting my skin, biting nearly everything except for my hair, which i woulda bitten had it been long enough. My knee bounced violently, my eyes were vacant, my hands were shaking, and my voice cracked about a hundred times.

I admit, i'm a bit hard on myself when it comes to certain things. Wrestling just so happens to be one of those things. It's one of the things i'm most proud of. I think it's mostly because it's a skill that most people don't have, and so being a decent wrestler, it makes me feel even just a little special. Furthermore, as Glenn once said to someone to describe my relationship with wrestling (i forget who. ohwells.), wrestling is my escape. There are few things in my life that help me just forget everything. When i'm wrestling, i'm so concentrated, so focused that everything just falls away.

So, i am very hard on myself about wrestling. If i get beaten by someone whom i know i could have beaten, if i try a move and fail, if i win for a stupid reason, it keeps me up at night. And that's no joke. The moment just plays over and over again in my mind. And until i can figure out what i could have done differently to change it, it just keeps going. Then the thought of what i could have done haunts me.

So right now, i'm just doing my best to keep my nerves down. I'm relaxing, playing piano, guitar, DOTA, drinking coffee, tea, pop, eating ice cream, and obviously blogging. It's helping. I'm still nervous and everything, but you do what you can right?

Well, here's hoping for the best for tommorow .

pleasepleasedowelljubs.

song: In the Sun - Arthur something.