fourjuicyworms.

Fingers crossed, pulse racing, penny at the ready.

High hopes, pessimist predictions, some guilty amusement.

At one of my family xmas parties, we played one of those games where everyone brings a present, and then everyone walks away with one. I'm not sure what it's called actually, it's not quite secret santa, but similar. Anyhow, since i wasn't too keen on walking out of there with one of the 7 clock radios that people had brought, or any of the bottles of wine or champagne for fear of giving relatives the wrong idea, and since the "Dark Knight" dvd, $20 Tim Horton's card, and sony headphones had all been permanently claimed, i was left with one choice. A pack of four lottery scratch tickets, and chocolate chip cookies.

Before i'm accused of being a gambler, i'm going to explain myself. If you don't know, i'm a cookie fiend, a chocolate fiend, and a chip fiend. So it would make a ton of sense that i chose the chocolate chip cookies. Right? The scratch tickets were just a bonus, and a potential fifty thousand big ones. Plus, it wasn't my money either, i couldn't lose.

I lost. Well two of the four. I ended up winning two dollars on one card, and four dollars on the other card. So half of them i won. But the cost of all the four tickets together was ten bucks. I'm pretty glad it wasn't me who paid for them. The ironic thing is, that both of the wins that i got, were on the cheaper $2 cards as opposed to the more expensive $3 ones.

I officially have a tiny bone to pick with Keno (the cards that i lost on. boounfun.). For those of you who don't know how Keno works (ie. me a couple of days ago. it'ssimple.), this is how:
You have a bank of about twenty numbers, and underneath those twenty numbers, about ten lines of random numbers, the first line with two numbers, the second with three, and so forth. As the line increases in number of numbers, so does the prize for that line. For every line you win, you get the money prize. As you scratch off the numbers in your twenty number bank, you scratch them off in the lines, and you hope for the best.

Now the reason i've got beef... is this. They gave me false hope. On both of the tickets, i was one number away from winning the jackpot. That was potentially two times fifty thousand. It's like i was the fish and they were dangling that big juicy worm right in front of my face. But i guess that's how they get everyone else to bite, right?

As for now, i'm pretty sure I won't be a big time gambler anytime soon. I've come to appreciate the amount of time i need to work for my money quite a bit, too much to just throw it away.

My older brother went to the casino last weekend, and actually came out 80 bucks over! I'm pretty impressed. I get too excited over things to be able to keep a cool enough head to gamble properly. I'm one of those people who get so excited over one win that i'd throw a thousand on the table in hopes of another big one. Good thing my brother's not like me. Calm and cool's the way to go.

I guess gambling is pretty much all about knowing when to quit. Sometimes, it's cutting your losses, and sometimes it's about calling enough, enough. Even though too much of it is most definitely a bad habit, it seems like there's a lot to be learned from gambling. A lot of times, i really wish that i had better self control.

One of these days, maybe i'll just get lucky and win the 649. Oh what i wouldn't do with 67 million. I know the first thing would be to grab a venti peppermint mocha and a mint brownie at starbuck's without feeling guilty. That would be nice.

For all of you, good luck with any gambles you encounter, but heed my warning. Even in those four tiny chump change scratch card games, it was hella fun.

maybenexttime.

If I Had a Million Dollars - The Barenaked Ladies.

vroomzoomvroom.

For the thousandth time.
Sorry to the bunch of you who already know the story.

A couple of weeks back i had just returned home from a long wrestling meet at which i had busted my lip, got my ass thrown all over the mat and stubbed my toe quite hard on a moronically placed step (it was probably actually me who was the moron for kicking it. badjustin.). Furthermore, on the bus ride home, i was subjected to long rants from a person who will remain unnamed about their various ex-girlfriends who (sorry, but it's true. mybad.) probably do not exist and therefore do not interest me. That on its own really wouldn't have bothered me that much, but having already had a pretty bad day, and being tired as hell, requiring vast amounts of shut-eye... iwaslivid.

When i parked my unreliable car on the driveway, i realized that one of the others was gone. And so i assumed that one of my parents were out. I was half right. I quickly realized due to the lack of delicious scents wafting my way from the kitchen, computerized gunshots and dramatic voices announcing a KILLING SPREE, that both of my parents happened to be absent. The first thoughts that went through my mind were:
1.
ohnoes.i'mnotgoingtohaveahugetastydinnertomakemefeelbetteraboutgettingmyasskickedtoday.
2.
ohnoes.i'mnotgoingtohaveagamingbuddyintheofficeforwheni'mplayingdota.
Fortunately, i am quite a trooper and i survived without them (i ate cereal for dinner. notacook.).

I guess i was too busy beating myself up for having done craptacularly at the tournament, or too involved in my game of dota to ask myself what exactly my parents were up to. In my mind they were just "out".

All of these things just kind of built up a quite down and depressed mood for me, and just as i was headed off to bed, my parents came in the door, with huge grins on their faces.

"Justin, we bought a car. Automatic, Mazda3sport."

umm...

Funny how a mood can just be torn to pieces in just a split seconds. I've had many moments like that before. I could be having the best of days; I just ate a cookie, i got up without feeling tired, the sun is shining... and then i get my math test back from last week. When that happens... everything else just falls away and that stupid test just consumes my mind.

or,

I could be licking away at my rolo caramel chocolate swirl sugar cone, i'm watching an episode of DBY, Rainie is smiling away... and then i drop the stupid ice cream on the floor.

Bliss turns into pissy quite quickly, but apparently, as proven by that day, pissy can be reverted to bliss as well.

"weboughtacar."

It took me about a full half minute to register that sentence in my mind. And even when i did, i heard it like this:

"weboughtYOUacar."

I was most definitely not expecting this surprise considering the crappy day i was having, but all those negative thoughts and worries were shredded up in an instant by this new arrival. After a bit of inquiry, i found out that my parents hadn't planned on buying the thing that day either. Musta been some really good salesman there, my father isn't easily swayed.

So i drove the car for the first time on monday. I tell you, for someone who's been driving a van that's as old as him (that's right, a 1991 Toyota Previa. mytrustyvan.), driving a decent car feels like you're floating on a flying nimbus cloud. Except this one had a gas pedal. It's a shame though, that the shiny, shiny exterior got all caked in slush and dirt. damnyouwinter.

I was originally gonna throw this post up the day after the news, but my dad had this great idea; that he wouldn't tell my sister or brother about the car, and let them find out themselves when they go into the garage. So, for fear of one of the two stumbling upon this little post and ruining the whole shabam, i just waited.

You should have seen their faces when they saw the car. Neither of them had a look of surprise like you'd expect, but more one of confusion. One that said "what the hell is that thing doing in our garage? but ohh... it's sexy."

that'sit.

Song: Shut up and Drive - Rihanna

chapterone.revised.

Chapter 1: Abandon

She sat in silence. The only sound was the piercing crackle of the fire before her. The flames danced like miniature crimson whips in the night, softly illuminating her young, tired face. At first, she was still, but finally she let loose a great sigh, willing the sorrow to exit her body.

The old iron gate that lay at the foot of the mountain was one of the two entrances to the village, its opposite border leading into the desert. On either side of the gate, a living wall of great oaks and vines spanned outwards beyond the reach of the eye, impenetrable by anything larger than a squirrel. In the tops of the trees ran multiple planks of wood tied down by thick cords, creating an intricate network of lookouts and posts. Ropes and vines were knotted here and there to allow mobility between the different levels of the network.

She glanced behind her through the open gate into the village, as if to verify that it was deserted, but she already knew she would find no one. It was wonderful, but saddening to see the village, that was usually teeming with energy in a state like this; completely empty and abandoned. Old barrels lay on their sides, doors were left open, broken crates littered the dirt street. And nothing moved. It was as if time had stopped.

Just hours earlier, it was children that had filled the streets and cats and dogs that were lain on their sides, their tongues suspended from their mouths, panting in the heat of the fine summer day. But the peace had been interrupted by the scout who ran like a wildcat through the open gates and into the village, searching frantically for the mayor. When he finally found him, he relayed his message as best as he could, being breathless from journey.

“I’ve come from the valley post. We’ve sighted a team of Gor making their way over the far mountain top. They are heading in our direction!”

Immediately a council was called into meeting and the elders of the village congregated in the city centre. Around them, the people buzzed with confusion, speculating at what could have occurred to require a council. The mayor took his spot, standing upon the gigantic tree stump, towering above the people that looked to him for answers. He took a moment, and then addressed the crowd with a booming, commanding voice.

“The Gor from the West are heading towards us. They are unfamiliar with our terrain, and were seen a far distance off, so, the mountain and forest will slow their advance, but we are still left with only hours before they will arrive here. We cannot stand and fight. Our only option is to flee to the east. We do not have much time. Gather only what you need and we will leave immediately..”

She looked to the hills, where a ripple of movement was passing quickly through the trees. But the wind was not blowing. Suddenly the realization set in. They have arrived she thought to herself as tremors of fear shot through her body, shaking her to the core. She reached for her lance and took hold of it. The cool steel slipped comfortably into her grasp. With her lance pointed the night sky, she looked to the mountaintop, ready.

Song: Lies - Billy Talent

firstmeet.

Butterflies, shivers, lip-biting, pre-game rituals.
And i'm still a little rusty.

Tommorow is the first wrestling meet of the year for me, and by the looks of it, it's probably going to be one of very few that i will be going to all year.

Unfortunately for me, i already get really antsy about all meets that i go to. This one being the first and one of the few makes it all the more daunting. Honestly, i could barely think about anything else all day long, nothing broke my trance, not the lack of chocolate i had at lunch (which would normally be traumatic. yahsrsly.), not the boring, boring french class assignment.

If you had paid close attention to me today (which i'm glad no one actually did. thankgoodness.) you would have seen me biting me lip, biting my nails, biting my skin, biting nearly everything except for my hair, which i woulda bitten had it been long enough. My knee bounced violently, my eyes were vacant, my hands were shaking, and my voice cracked about a hundred times.

I admit, i'm a bit hard on myself when it comes to certain things. Wrestling just so happens to be one of those things. It's one of the things i'm most proud of. I think it's mostly because it's a skill that most people don't have, and so being a decent wrestler, it makes me feel even just a little special. Furthermore, as Glenn once said to someone to describe my relationship with wrestling (i forget who. ohwells.), wrestling is my escape. There are few things in my life that help me just forget everything. When i'm wrestling, i'm so concentrated, so focused that everything just falls away.

So, i am very hard on myself about wrestling. If i get beaten by someone whom i know i could have beaten, if i try a move and fail, if i win for a stupid reason, it keeps me up at night. And that's no joke. The moment just plays over and over again in my mind. And until i can figure out what i could have done differently to change it, it just keeps going. Then the thought of what i could have done haunts me.

So right now, i'm just doing my best to keep my nerves down. I'm relaxing, playing piano, guitar, DOTA, drinking coffee, tea, pop, eating ice cream, and obviously blogging. It's helping. I'm still nervous and everything, but you do what you can right?

Well, here's hoping for the best for tommorow .

pleasepleasedowelljubs.

song: In the Sun - Arthur something.

detroit/detroy.

Sore feet, an empty wallet, and a full car.
I think my work is done here.

So, i'm nearing the end of my detroit shopping trip. I'm just about to head off to bed, after a long day of mall-wallking. Tommorow, after grabbing our complimentary breakfast (YES.YES.YES. freecoffee.) we're going to one last department store, and then we're gonna call it quits.

Over the past two days, i've been to Lakeside, Somerset, Great Lakes, Partridge Creek, 12 Rivers (well, 12 something. ikindaforget) and a collection of other department stores, book stores, whole sale stores... It's pretty amazing how many places you can get to when you plan out your day.

We planned out each day before even getting started, which i found a little bit too military-esque, but it proved effective in the end. If we hadn't set about a 4 or 5 hour limit per mall, i'd probably still be in the first one right now. I'm not an obsessive shopper, but once i get started, and the momentum kicks in, i can go for quite a while.

Of the two days, Friday was much better, and also much worse. The sales on Friday, American Thanksgiving, were much more drastic, and so the crowds were much more dense, animated, and not to mention obnoxious. As my Dad described it, it seemed like people had the mentality that simply saying "excuse me" gives one the right to trample any amount of human bodies that would please them. What i saw on friday would only support that idea.

Even so, the picture i had in my mind of how it would be was nothing like it actually was. Just from all the talk i've heard about "Black Friday", i kind of had the picture of multitudes of people performing death strikes on each other's Xephoid Processes in a frenzy to obtain the last 99% off A&F scarf. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the crowd were not in posession of a 9th degree blackbelt in ninjutsu, people were not extremely violent, and A&F having any sort of sale whatsoever would have meant the end of the world.

Somehow, through the crowds, i was able to make my rounds through the shops, and make it to the rendezvous point unharmed and on-time. And i did it solo. Oh what a shopper i have become.

Anyways, it was great fun, and i think that any of you guys would have enjoyed it just as much as i did. I discovered some new shops and brands that i'll have to remember about for next time. andnowi'mtired.

BTW.

spentlessthanahundredbucks.

song: none, my dad is snoring away behind me, wouldn't want to interrupt that.

paychecks.

Crippled paycheck plus Justin plus shopping trip...
is equal to disaster.

So i might have already blogged about a badly written paycheck that i received last month from my job... i'm not sure, and i'm too lazy to check. So bear with me kay?

Well, quite unfortunately, i recieved another check last week which was off by quite a large sum of hard earned dollars. In short, it really ticked me off. All modestly aside for a moment, i work my ass off at that place, i have to leave home 2 mins after i get home from school just to be at work on time, and then when everyone else has two guarding shifts, i have none. Not to mention the 5-7 year olds are almost all handed to me. They're pretty much the worst age group to teach. Finally, after i've finished my teaching, i'm expected to do chores around the pool, which take up about 40 mins and we're only paid 20 mins of. Nevertheless, i still make the place shine. By the time i get home, it's 9 pm.

I love my job. It's pretty fun most of the time, even with a lot of the shortcomings, but i do believe that i've earned my money, and i should really get every penny that i've earned. I think i deserve it. Therefore, i'll fight for it, however many dollars i'm missing. The thing is, i really hate begging for money.

Whether a friend owes me some money, or in a case like this, i am almost incapable of asking for money, even though i do deserve it. Something about begging for money just rubs me the wrong way. It makes me seem like a desperate hobo to my boss, and i would prefer to not be laballed as "the pool's hoBo."

Anyhow, i just cashed my check because i figured i would need the cash very soon . ie. in the states, where i'm going for this weekend. somewhere that you can obtain some moneys.

The bad part of going to detroit is that we're doing it soley for the shopping.

Shopping is quite difficult activity to take part in when one does not have any cash. I'm gonna try hard not to spend extensive amounts of money but i'm not sure if i can contain myself.
(yumturkey.).

Listened to : Lucky - Jason Mraz

reliable.

It came as a surprise.
And that kind of surprise isn't the kind that i welcome.

Last weekend, as i was all prepared to head off to go out for the night, all dressed up, with my pristinely white shoes, my car let me down. My trusty old '96 mazda just wouldn't start up for me. No matter how much i enticed her, she just wouldn't respond to my key turning. Too bad that car was parked in the front of the driveway, and in order for me to get at the van which is nearly as old as me (no exaggerations there, we got it a month after my birth. prettymuchmytwin.), i had to push the broken-down car down the driveway, and then back up. All of this performed in the pouring rain, in my no longer pristinely white shoes. Anyhow, after wrestling the car back up the driveway, and freeing my twin from its confines, i was finally able to set off into the night, albeit 20 minutes late and seven times more irritable.

We sent the car in to be fixed. I found this out on tuesday night as i returned home from work. The parents were nowhere to be found when i walked in that door and niether was the car. I knew something was going down.

I found out later that it was the alternator that was giving trouble, but everything had been sorted out, save for an annoying squealing sound that the car produces every time you step on the gas (The sound was at the perfect frequency to make my spine melt every time i heard it. twasmorethanabitirritating.).

So that was last night, which was perfect, because this morning, i needed my car in order to get myself from school to my piano lesson along with my little brother. Seeing as the car had been fixed, all was well. or was it?

The trip to school was not problematic in the least, except maybe for some mental damage due to the constant "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek". But i learned how to control my urges to gouge out my ears.

After school, i dropped Kevin off at piano, and was on my way to quickly dropping sean off at his house so he wouldn't have to take the bus. Mission was accomplished, we arrived safely at his house, and after being invited in for a while, I went back and stuck my key in the ignition again. Spun it forward. Listened intently. Hoped something would happen. Hoped again. And nothing. So yeah, my battery had pretty much completely copped out on me and next thing i knew, i was asking Mr. Goma for a jump start.

All the dashboard displays were really weak, and so was the backlight for the clock, and the letters on the transmission... the power was quickly running out, and so i swiftly grabbed Kevin and headed home. Of course i got home safely, even through the rapidly falling snow, and the flash-frozen pavement. It was a pretty perilous drive, and with a half functional car. That was more excitement than i wanted.

Up until recently, i could rely more on that car than i could on myself on chocolate. Yeah, that much. And now, i probably won't be taking it out for a drive for a while. Even if i do, i'm gonna be paranoid the whole time. The worst part wsa that i wasn't expecting the breakdown at all. The repair had been done just the night before, and so i had assumed that everything was in order. Evidently i was wrong.

Reliability is huge for me. I'd say that every one of my friends is reliable in their own way. Which is perfect, because i rely on each and every one of them. Whether it's

• Jason saying the randomest stuff and making the randomest faces that make me laugh for no reason.
• Glenn cracking a joke that only the two of us would laugh at, and everyone else thinks is the dumbest thing in the world.
  
• Arthur playing along with any of my unusual, pointless, and commonly nonsensical charades.
  
• Nikko poking me, punching me, kicking me, death striking me, or my favourite, tossing me into the path of a quickly approaching wall.
  
• Sean supervising my creation of the most dense aluminum puck in the world, or guiding me through each and every pokemon song in existence.
• Nathan threatening me or my genitals in some creative way.

I depend on so many people every day for so many different things. And what i've listed is not even a fraction of it. There's many more people with many more "things".

If i couldn't rely on these people for these things, the consequences would have quite an impact on my day. I'm pretty sure i'd be stuck at the bottom of some kind of mental black hole with none of the daily rituals that pull me out of it.

And so i say, reliability is a characteristic that i look for in anyone close to me. Without you people, i'd fall apart. A day without all those little things, is just that, a day, and not a memory. CHEERSBOYSANDGIRLS.

(i was too lazy to go any farther than just those six guys, but there's tons more.)

don'tyoupeoplebreakyouralternators.

Song: If I Were a Boy - Beyonce

leaveacomment.doit.

beebeetee.

BBT times two.
i love em both.

There's something weird about the acronym "BBT". I only know of two things it refers to, but each of them is addictive beyond your wildest imaginations. Furthermore, the acronym itself is just ridiculously fun to say (try it, beebeetee.).

#1 Bubble Tea - bbt (beebeetee)
No matter how much i get, it'll never be enough. Bubble tea is such a satisfying drink, but it always just leaves you wanting more. The worst thing about bubble tea... is that if you ever look at any bubble tea menu, there's always about three hundred and fifty seven different flavours to pick and choose from. That's a lot of flavours. Then, for each of those flavours you could order it in green tea, black tea, milk tea, chiller, and so on. It's a system that's pretty much set up to inhale your money.

Unfortunately, my mind regularly falls victim to the allure of these masses of flavours. It's too bad that they're all incredible. It makes me keep trying and trying and TRYING new flavours. So, bubble tea is pretty much the height of temptation. Well for me anyways.

It's really not fair though, bubble tea shops always use the cheap shot. The drinks always come in those really really purrrty colours, and... well i just can't resist those. All this talk of bubble tea right now is making me thirsty (it's gonna put a dent in my savings. byebyepaycheck).

#2 Big Bang Theory - bbt (beebeetee)
ahahaha. Just thinking of the name makes me chuckle to myself. If you don't know, Big Bang Theory is a tv series sit com. The show is about two extremely nerdy roommates living in an apartment and their adventures along with the attractive Penny across the hallway.

This show... it really hits the nail on the head with every joke. Honestly, the writers are geniouses. I'd say it's not an easy feat to make the doppler effect, derivitives, integrals and the quadratic formula into kneeslapping hoots. The BBT more than pulls off this amazing feat.

I'd say that 90% of the reason i find this show just oh so haha, is that i can relate with a lot of the moments that occur. From the blank stares of people after saying something I thought was common knowledge, to the blank stares of people as a result of me being socially inadequate, I admit it, i'm a nerd at heart.

Recently, i've taken on a dependence for this show. The word "awesome" doesn't do it justice. So take my word for it and give it a shot, you'll be amazed at how incredible it is, just watch.

BBT x 2
Now that i've talked about both of them, i just had a random thought: "How unbearably cool would it be to experience bbt and bbt at the same time. I can see it now, my feet up on the coffee table, with my really, really cozy blue blanket, a mixed tapioca taro black milk bubble tea in my left hand, the converter in my right, and Sheldon creating yet another awkward situation for me to laugh at... and learn from. And then i'd dramatically hold up my plastic cup to the air, as if performing a toast, but all alone. Finally, i'd dramatically call out to the heavens: "I LOVE BBT."

As seemingly random as this post may be, it actually does have a cause and a point. This weekend, i realized that i actually had a minimal amount of homework, a very scarce phenomenon as of late. So i decided that i would pick out the things that I really wanted to spend my time doing, so that i could really enjoy my time this weekend.

Now, the two bbts were actually on the list, but they came into consideration, and i decided to spew out a quick blog about them.

More importantly, i realized that it's really useful to know what the things you really enjoy are, because those are the things that make your days memorable for you. As time passes by, the only thing we have of our already spent days are memories, and i want to make sure i make the best ones possible.

I think, in my life, there's some things that i spend my time doing that aren't actually things that i enjoy, but are more just, part of a routine, or a pattern. I guess my goal now is to weed those out, and replace them with the things i've come to realize really make me glow.

Sadly, I haven't really gotten this mastered yet, but i'm on my way. heregoesnothin.

beebeetee=funfunyay.

PS: if you rearrange the letters in bbt, you get "BtB" - Bob the builder, beeteebee =D

Song of the post: "Untouched" - The Veronicas (you have to listen to this song)

notatreehugger.

Scary stuff. Probably won't ever happen.
But what if it did?

Friday night. I just got back from buying presents for Kelly and Bianca. The drive home was really something else. The rain was coming down, not incredibly hard, but it wasn't just a dribble either. So of course, me being a new driver, i slowed down a little, braked earlier, signaled accordingly, and in general, drove safer. The same was not true for most of the other drivers on the road. Honestly, it's like whenever the bad weather comes out, so do the simultaneously agressive and unskilled drivers. People were cutting me off left-right-and-center, to the point where it wasn't just annoying, but unsafe. Some people really deserve to lose their licenses.

A couple minutes and curses later, I arrived safely and soundly in my driveway. Before i even reached the door, my mom thrusted it open, and threw a quick "Hey Justin!" at me before sprinting back to the comfy family room couch. After having known my mother for approximately seventeen years, and 5 or 6 months, i swiftly caught on to this undeniable sign language for "We just started a movie, get your shoes off and your butt on the couch". I obeyed.

"The Happening". I still can't decide whether or not i like it. No wait, that's a lie, i didn't actually like it. I ended up watching it just because I wanted to know how they could end such a movie. Needless to say, it was a great disappointment.

The basis of the movie is this: Plants are taking revenge on humans. They've spontaneously evolved to a state in which they can release deadly toxins that cause humans to commit suicide when they feel threatened. That's definitely some scary stuff. And, it would probably never happen, but that's one hell of an idea to think up.

Theoretically, it does make sense though. Throughout history, according to our modern scientists with their modern studies and knowledge, pretty much every species of life has adapted, evolved, digivolved when they were threatened. Turtles have shells for protection, snakes have deadly venom, even skunks have their own creative way of warding off enemies. Why not plants?

And plants are the species of life who arguably are in most need of such a defense. With the state of things, the human mentality to build, build, build, which pollutes, spoils, infects, plant life is diminishing like wildfire (literally and figuratively. ohmani'mfunny.).

Humans tend to dole out destruction without a second thought. Probably hundreds of thousands of trees are taken down in a day. But as soon as someone comes up with a story of the trees fighting back for one day, there's a hit movie made.

Of course, in reality our plants will likely never gain such a defensive mechanism. But is that really the measure necessary for people to stop polluting? Death? It's hard to get someone's attention. That's certainly one way of doing it. I'm pretty sure that if the plants did start to try and fight back, humans would be next to helpless. There's little to nothing we could do. (so keep this in mind. don'tkillthegreenies.).

i'mnotatreehugger.

Ranted while listening to: Dai Wo Zou - Rainie Yang

he'sthesymbol.

Here we go. A new hope, a new chance at turning things around.
Or at least slowing down the recline.

November fourth. A day to go down in history as the day that the first black president of America was elected into power. The guy's got a pretty bittersweet deal. To go along with being such a symbol, there's got to be unbearable burdens, but also priceless pride and dignity.

Whether he likes it or not, he will never be seen simply as "the next president". No, his victory has condemned him to be forever seen as "that black president". And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Such a title comes in many varieties. The question is what Obama will do now that he will be remembered by.

The tough thing is, since Obama is a black man, and there has never been a black president before, whatever he does from this day onwards will not only stain or glorify his name, but also the black identity, the whole black community. All of this just because he was the one to break the pattern. Because he was the first. Can you imagine what kinds of pressure he must be under? I am pretty sure that i am not a strong enough person to step forward, and take that representative position.

Obama really stands out from the rest. If he does well in his position, he will be remembered for a very long time. He could be the one to have pulled America through the recession unscathed. He could be the one to have cleaned up the war on terror. The list goes on. But whatever he does, it will stay with him forever. (that'salongtime)

hopinghemakesusproud.

Written while listening to: Live Your Life - TI ft. Rihanna

freecandy.

The one night all year round that people willingly hand it away.
My elixir of life at every doorstep.

Halloween really isn't the same as it used to be. Every year, the anticipation has been rapidly ebbing away, bringing us to the present, which is free of all anticipation. In fact, i had forgotten about Halloween altogether until Nikko's birthday came along and I thought to myself, "There's something cool near Nikko's birthday... OH YEAH HALLOWEEN."

It's too bad that it's come to this. I really miss the days when i'd be racking my noggin for the bestest costume ideas fruitlessly, dreaming of swimming in candy or showing off my oversized M&M costume (kudos to mom for making that costume, i used it for like three years in a row, never got old. ilovedit.). I was a bit out of place seeing as my friends were always dressed up as hardcore vampires and executioners. It's not very often you see a vampire or executioner in the company of a walking M&M. Oh well, regardless how i might have looked, i liked my M&M costume more than any other costume in the world.

But the absolute greatest part about halloween season was always the actual trick-or-treating. I had it down to a simple science. After many years of experience, i created an intricate mental map of my neighbourhood. I knew which houses gave chips, which ones gave chocolate, and most importantly, which ones gave both. There weren't many that gave both, i can tell you that.

But somehow, Halloween just doesn't feel the same. I was manning the fort today, while my parents caught up on some much needed rest, and I handed out a total of maybe 20 candies? I only had to answer the door like 6 times. Now, i'm not complaining that i wanted to get off my lazy bum more than 6 times (i was quite comfortable playing my game of DOTA. tecchiesftw.). It's just a bit of a change from the usual locust cloud that comes crashing towards our door every year. I guess the bright side is that i have more candy for myself.

All that said, i had a pretty good Halloween this year. It may not have been candy filled, or black and orange but it was pretty decent. A shepherd's pie dinner, a couple games of DOTA and a nice, refreshing powernap all contributed to an above average night for me. Maybe what's actually changing is not Halloween itself, but the way i'm spending my halloweens. (shouldagonetrickortreatin.).

iwantcandy.

This blog was babbled while watching the movie - Untracable (don't watch it.)

cravings.

I am such an addictive person.
It gets to the point of ridiculousness sometimes.

I cannot go through a single day without having at least one monster craving. And i definitely do not use the term "monster craving" lightly. The worst thing about these monster cravings, is that they hit me like a lightning bolt. I'll just be walking down a hall at school, and all of a sudden, i just stop, shiver mentally and then my mind focuses on this ONE thing until i get it or until i get sufficiently distracted from it, which by the way is quite difficult to accomplish.

It's pretty annoying too. It usually gets in the way of my day. It's like someone put blinders on me and sent me off in the wrong direction.

Usually it's for food, and that's a pretty easy one to satisfy. All i have to do is wait until i get home and dive into a bowl of cookie dough or head over to Rabba and blow off ten bucks on Twix bars. The only problem with those cravings is that it's probably ridiculously unhealthy for me.

But what i'm actually talking about here; the craving that really puts a dent in my day, is the one for sleep. There's no possible way to cure that other than to, well, sleep. The thing about sleep is... it's such a waste of time, but when i need it, i really do need it. This doesn't cooperate very well my fourth period french class. I keep catching myself nodding off and collapsing almost onto Glenn's nearby shoulder (which, by the way, i'm sure is quite comfortable. goodonyoumate.).

I try everything to get my brain back into gear whenever this happens. I'm commonly seen self-slapping, self-pinching, or my least favourite, but most painful and therefore effective, self-biting. Unfortunately, each of these remedies usually results in only a short term consciousness, but long term pain. Also, it can make for some awkward situations when people see me biting myself... aheh...

The other kind of craving that i get that's particularily distracting is one for a good mark on a test (haha. you guys know where this is going. ahhpooie.). The thing about this craving, is that it's not quite as easily achieved as the two previously listed. It's not quickly remedied by a light snack, or a power nap. On the contrary, the solution in question is a much more complex, and long process including swimming through torrents of notes and concepts, and deciphering crpytic chemical formulas. All this just to acquire an amount of knowledge only sufficient to scrape a pass. And even then, there's the begging for marks that comes afterwards (lolgwen.).

These cravings... they aren't temporary. They're pretty much the summary of my academic career. A constant starvation, famine.

Anywhoooo i hope i don't sound to complainy, it's just a random observation i've made recently. (hopefullyyoualldon'tfeelthesameway.)

hopinforsevens.

This was written while listening to: Make it Mine - Jason Mraz

notquite.

I was more convincing myself than anyone else.
But in the end i really didn't need that much convincing.

Kay so. It was supposed to be yesterday that the results for cafe night were to be posted. But, they weren't. And so all of the hopefuls (and those of us who already knew they were gonna make it. welldone.) had to wait an extra day to verify whether or not they'd be the ones pooping themselves on stage about a month from now. The posting was postponed until today.

Last night, i had about a dozen conversations with different people, each of which included the topic of cafe night. And each time, i was told "there's no doubt about it, you made it!" Honestly, having so much support from everybody felt quite good. But it didn't really convince me that i indeed had made it. I knew from the start that if you're not incredibly talented, then it's all one giant popularity contest. And i wouldn't go so far as to say i'm incredibly talented. Therefore, when it comes down the popularity aspect, since i'm not the best of friends with our very own world class DECA executives, i'm the little guy, and i lose out.

I might sound a little resentful, but that's not the case. Of course i'm a little disappointed. I would have much preferred being in the show, but i think i never got my hopes up in the first place so there wasn't much to come tearing down.

A little tidbit of a story to describe how i found out this morning. The two girls who were putting up the results, did so at around 7:45, the same time that i went to check them. Nothing wrong with that so far. But for some reason, they hadn't considered the fact that you need something adhesive to post results. Unfortunately for them, their stubborn sheet of paper just would not stick to the wall. Unfortunately for me, it was about 5 more minutes until they finally got a hold of some tape, and then at that time they spent another minute straightening out the edges. I wanted to ninja chop them. They definitely knew i was waiting to see the results and still took their sweet time. Anways, i looked at the results, and headed off to class.

There are some things that you want really badly at one point in time. And when the time comes that you can't have it... you would still love to have it but you can definitely live without it. (hopethatmakessense)

justkeepsingin.

ranted while listening to: coffee and cigarettes - augustana.

(i love it when you guys leave comments. it makes me so happy. pleasedo!:D)

missedthedantarts.

Yeah i always tell myself i should do this more.
Do i actually listen to myself? Pfft. never.

I just finished one of the longest weekends of my life. And contrary to what even i would expect of myself, most of what i have to say about it isn't complaints or rants... But there's still those too.

Recently, each day has been progressing in almost the exact same fashion. I get home, unpack my bags, grab a quick bite of last night's rice and peas and play a quick song on the piano to wake myself up. Then i head up to my room, toss my bag onto my unmade bed, steal a quick look at my agenda and whiteboard, and then decide what there is to do that i actually DO have time for.

But i think i'm giving myself more credit than i actually deserve. Don't get me wrong, i work hard. But am i working as hard as i possibly can? Hard enough that i can actually be proud of myself before i fall asleep? that's the better question i think.

I'd say usually, it's almost a yes, but not quite. But this week, after sitting my ass in that hard wood chair in my kitchen for about 18 hours in two days, i'm gonna have to say that i am genuinely proud of how much work i put into things this weekend. I actually skipped out on going down to Markham to have dimsum with the fam. Although when they got back it sounds like the amazing dan tarts took precedence in their minds over the empty chair.

Included in this weekend's agenda was the monster of a scholarship that i've been working on. The thing about this one, is that of all the scholarships i've heard of, seen, looked at; it's the one that i want the most. It's probably because it's quite competitive and i would really feel good about myself if i won it. A little bit of a morality boost is welcomed with open arms these days.

In this scholarship, like any other, i have to sell myself (haha. very funny, i know what you're thinking.youthinkyou'resofunny). I wouldn't call myself the most humble of all people, and i wouldn't call myself the most cocky of all people, but either way, i definitely had a rough time trying to yank out all of the impressive things about myself. Even more difficult is trying to present all the things about me that are impressive... in an impressive manner that makes me shine out from a group of impressive people competing for an impressive scholarship. Yeah i've had a lot of time to think about this over the weekend.

Alltogether, all of this work this weekend was so worth it. Even if i don't win this scholarship I still feel pretty good about myself for having worked so hard at something... anything. I just need to get my ass down on a chair to do this more often. (bunsofsteel.)

comeonjusyoucandothis.

Stressed over while listening to : Tongue Tied - October Fall

(Hopefully "Kinkeejou's Garden of Random Scribbles" will be up soon. It's a team blog, so far with authors: Justin, Glenn, Sean = Glustinean).

nervousnervousnervous.

Ever gone after a small goal, but when you actually finished it,
it felt a lot better than you'd first thought? nuff said.

Since grade nine, I've wanted to be in cafe night, or at least perform in something around the school. And for about the same amount of time, people, namely Glenn have been badgering me to do an act with them (actually not quite, i didn't really know Glenn as anyone more than "that cool guy in Geodude's class until a bit later. dumbjustin.). Well, I soon became an expert at dodging bullets, because for every year up until this one, the closest i've come to being in an act was falling out of my chair in the front row of the audience, all by myself, while waiting for friends, only to have a bunch of niner girls who i didn't know at all laugh their behinds off in my general direction. scarring.

I guess I was either too lazy or too scared, or a combination of both. No, I lied, i was just scared. I'm generally a lazy person but something as cool as being in a cafe night show would definitely be incentive enough to get up off my ass.

Seems like i'm scared of a lot of things in life, that's twice in a row i'm blogging about fear. i'mapansy.

It feels so rational to be scared of performing. All those bodies, all those eyes, all those stares, all those expectations all those disappointments. Of course the majority of us would rather not deal with these things. And i'm no odd one out, in fact, i get the butterflies a hundred times worse than the next person. That crippling paralysis is what has caused me to take a step back every year when the call for auditions is sent out. This year i had decided to break the chain. "I'll pick the most amazing song, i'll sing it amazingly, i'll rock at the guitar, and the crowd will love me."

iquitted.

I didn't do that. I didn't find any perfect song, i didn't practice the guitar to perfection and i was still too scared to even perform in front of my homemade audience comprised of various stuffed animals. So basically, i was headed in the direction of a fourth consecutive miss, and during my graduating year. Luckily i have Glenn. At first it took a great deal of nagging to even get a "maybe" out of me. But of course he got it, and he kept asking, and nagging until finally, i decided that i would break the chain. I was going to audition for cafe night.

The song was Tisbury Lane by Mae. I'd stumbled upon the song about a month or two earlier, and i loved it right from the start, so it seemed like the natural choice. Coincidentally, it was one of Glenn's favourites too. So we practiced it a couple of times, and signed ourselves up for the auditions. (I was vocals, and Glenn was guitar. whatwasithinkin)

First off: holycrap.

The auditions were in the drama room, a pretty big classroom with mini bleachers so that everyone is looking down at the center of the room, where the performers do their thang, there were about a quintillion people auditioning, and all the best singers in the school were there to perform an act. You can imagine just how all of those three things added up to make me feel like an insignificant pixel on a giant screen with darn good resolution. It was bad. I've already got a lot of experience with performances because of my piano studies, but somehow that hasn't made things any easier. My heart pounded so damn fast and heavy, it sounded like a war drum from a fantasy novel.

When it was our turn to perform, it was basically the same feelings but multiplied by a hundred. Things are always more scarier than they seem, and when you reach a certain point, the fear starts to evapourate, and you finally have control of your body again. As soon as i belted out that first off-key note, i realized there was no point in being scared any more, i might as well do what i need to do.

Glenn played amazingly. Me, no comment. I was adequate at best.

Now at the end of the whole auditioning process, i'd still be happy with myself even if i didn't make it into the actual cafe night program (and i wouldn't be surprised, there were some damn good performers. jealousjealous). That would just be a huge bonus. I finally, after four long years got over myself and put myself out there. I may have felt a little bit vulnerable, and stupid, but it's about time i make some changes, make some noise. (makeitloud)

wishmeluck?

Sung out while listening to: Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls.

(don't forget to follow my blog! if you haven't yet, take a couple o' seconds to click the "follow this blog" button on the right side of the page. A stalked Justin is a happy Justin. usuallykinda.)

fearfallsandfamily.

Before i get started, i just wanna take a quick second to say thanks to everyone who's been reading my blogs. Wow. you make me feel special. i think i have too many feelings.

Niagara Falls summed up in a sentence: H2O, rocks, and kinetic motion. But they're beautiful (the Canadian falls are like a hundred times more awesome. it'ssotrue.).
Family summed up in a sentence: Brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc. But they're priceless

Second day of thanksgiving weekend. My loud and borderline overly energetic family decides at midday that we're going to see the falls (when we just had a thanksgiving dinner last night, and i had only gotten to bed at around 2AM. buti'mnotcomplaining.). I welcome any oppourtunity to just get out of the house, even though i've been to niagara (hehehe. soundslikeviagra.) like a bajillion times before. Since there were about twenty cousins, uncles, etc. going, i just couldn't turn the trip down, in fact i was pretty darn excited to get there.

Car ride was a drag, i slept the whole way. s'all i have to say bout that.

Rocksnwatah: It's pretty interesting if you take the time to think about it, how something extremely simple in its nature can divert so much attention. Water and rocks in themselves, are really nothing that exciting. On the other hand, vast amounts of two simple things with a couple of haunted houses and casinos thrown into the equation sums up to quite the provocative tourist destination. Sometimes, we humans don't appreciate the awesomeness of nature, or anything for that matter until it's staring us right in the eye. Whether it be in the form of a hundred-and-sixty-seven-foot waterfall. Or whether it be in the form of something being lost altogether, a friend, an old teddy bear. I feel like I'm blind seeing as things constantly have to be made crystal clear to me before i can fully appreciate it, or stop taking it for granted. The falls are just a bunch of rocks and a crapload of water, but it's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

Pitchblack: My uncle likes to see his kids, nephews and nieces squirm. I'm gonna be like him when i grow up.There's like 5 different haunted houses in the city, and at every single one, my uncle literally pushed us to do it. when people start nagging me, i almost always give in (don't you ppl dare start nagging me. naggingnaggers...). So me, my little brother, Brianna and Bradley Hugh (yeshhh he was named after me. iwinyay.) bought level three "hardcore live action" tickets to Dracula's Haunted Castle. I've never felt someone, or rather three people grip so tightly to various spots on my body. I could barely walk, and inability to walk + stairs = epicfail. The castle itself wasn't very scary at all. The displays that they had were the usual disfigured, hanged hunchbacks and bloody huge axes (axes that had blood on them, AND axes that were darn big. iconfusemyself.). But those didn't frighten me. The scariest thing was knowing that an actor was gonna reach out and caress me unexpectedly. idon'tlikebeingcaressed. I was turning a corner and next thing you know it the guy starts growling at me, and lancing threats at me that resembled the following (these threats have been translated to proper english from the outdated language of werewolf/dracula/19-year-old-actor) "I will imminently slash your throat, wereby ending your life. Following said action, i will consume your corpse" to which i responded by saying something along the lines of "OH PLEASE DO IT (insert fakely excited and smiling face here)". Then the guy reached his arm out and grabbed my neck. Scared the heck out of me but i didn't let my cousins know.

The rest of the house was kinda poopy. By poopy i mean not scary, and long. It was a bunch of dolls being killed and stuff, but when it comes down to it the only thing that really scared me was that wolfman yelling at me and surprising me.
I'm pretty sure i was the most freaked out too, because i was right in the front; he touched me the most.

I noticed two things at the end of the haunted house.

1. Even though i am only one or two years older than my cousins, they all looked to me and grouped around me, as if i were to lead them through the house of fears. Even though it wasn't actually anything to be afraid of in reality, i still felt quite content with myself that my cousins see me in the light of a protecting figure. So i did my best to act the part by not peeing my pants. ididn'tpeemypants.

2. The most scary thing in life to me and a lot of others is surprises. When you don't know what to expect, you can expect anything, and that's the heart of fear. When i start to think about the things that really scare me, right there at the top of the list is university. I don't know what i will be doing, let alone what i want to do. I don't know which universities are good for the things that i don't want to do. I don't know who i'll meet, who i'll forget. What i'll eat, where i'll live, or if i'll even survive the four years. All of this scares the living daylights out of me. The things that will be surprises, the things that i'm unsure of right now.

Those were just a couple of things that i noticed, and thought i'd get down on paper (or a screen). I guess i'm trying to tell myself i need to not take what i have for granted, and that i need to not be afraid of the future. Everything will come together. (Ihopeso.)

stillabitscared.

This was written while watching: "There Will Be Blood"

(If you finished this blog, kudos to you, this one was especially long. youdeserveamedal.)

diamondsareforever?

they're shiny, they're pretty, they're expensive, they're status symbols.
THEY'RE ROCKS.

Thanksgiving dinner. As you may have been able to predict due to my previous post, a couple things about the event itself rubbed me the wrong way, but for the most part, it was more than a pleasure just to spend time with my huge family (my uncle with a really strong Jamaican accent was there today. totallyawesome.). To top it all off, we played a 14 person game of Mafia. iknowright?

Through the course of the night, two things got me thinking: I played this game with my little cousin where i looked through her yearbook and guessed who her friends were based on just their mugs. Sad thing is, i got the majority of them right. Second, my other cousin got these beautiful diamond ear rings from her boyfriend. They were Beautiful. I saw them myself.

before i continue: i don't want people to take what comes next the wrong way. Both of these cousins, i absolutely love to death, and they are like... the most greatest-est people on the face of the planet. There's just a couple things that i've noticed we're not quite parallel in.

i looked at faces: It was so fun. I was going at lightning speed, my eyes barely hovering over each person's face before predicting a "yup!" or "HELL NO". To which my cousin would respond "she's my bee-eff-eff-ehll" or "DAMN STRAIGHT!". She was surprised with just how many i got correct. So was I. It's kinda weird that i was able to do this, and i also didn't really like that either. I began to notice patterns, right from the beginning of the people that she didn't associate herself with, and the ones she did. The rest was cake (with cream cheese icing. yummyums.). I don't think that this game would be quite as easy in reverse fashion, and that's something i take pride in. I am very conscious of the types of friends that i have, but my requirements, I try to keep disassociated from a person's mugshot. I'm gonna challenge my cousin to this game, and i'll get back to you guys when she fails.

shiny rocks: Before i get to saying that i'll probably never own a diamond watch, or diamond grillz (teehee.), i must say, they were damn nice. But the thing that got me thinking, is that with the help of the whole family, we spent a good thirty three minutes talking about them. Yes they're pretty, yes they're shiny, yes they're expensive, and we all adored them for that. But, i don't understand how some people can spend their lives chasing after these things. Spend their savings chasing after these things. Lose sight of what's really important chasing after these things. People chase, chase, chase, and when they finally make the catch they realize, "oh. it'sarock." Why do people put so much priority in the materials? in rocks? I've caught myself doing this more than once (not with diamonds. can you say, fivepiecesofexodia?). But i know that there's many things that are more important, and for fear of falling into a chase, i veer away.

Everyone chases after their diamonds. I've already found my diamonds, but they're living and breathing (andtheyknowwhotheyare).

diamondsAREforever.

This was composed while listening to: I Just Want You - AJ. Rafael. (he's awesome)

jointheparade.

My goal for this blog is to have the background completely crowded with various creatures and creations. But they don't all necessarily have to be mine. Be a part of my blog :P send me a scribble of yours, and unless it really sucks, i'll probably slap it onto the background. Only two things required, black and white only, and the background has to be solid white.
nowit'sovertoyou.

thanksforyourgiving.

i've kinda always wondered why we even have thanksgiving.
why do we need to assign a day for thanks?

Saturday of thanksgiving weekend. I just got back from a short, spontaneous apple picking adventure (one orchard wanted to charge us $2.5o a person just to enter. As you can imagine, we ditched and found a more desperate orchard, charge free. stickittotheman.) I was the DD for the trip and as i was tailing a big black SUV who was driving way too slowly down our side of the valley, and i thought to myself "no justin, be nice, it's thanksgiving weekend".

Where did thanksgiving even come from? (i wiki-ed it so i could seem all smart, having done my research, but that was fruitless because they used a whole bunch of big words which i didn't understand. was'nthelpfulatall.) To me, it really doesn't make much sense that people have to designate a certain day a year to give thanks. Why do people have to be so insensitive, uncaring, disconnected, numb, that they can't give thanks throughout the year, throughout the day? No, we have to force it out of everyone once a year to give thanks, and even that comes with the Turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce bribe. Let's be honest with ourselves, how many people would actually celebrate thanksgiving if it wasn't associated with huge, tasty dinners? Sure, there are the select few, but i'm quite sure it just wouldn't be quite as popular.

As the years pass (and i'm only 17). I'm realizing that the world is slowly becoming a more cold place. I remember during halloween as a kid, most of my 8 year old friends could make their rounds with just a couple of other zombie and vampire friends. But these days, i doubt you'll see a kid without a parent more than a pitchfork's length away. And this is what i'm seeing all year round, people are slowly becoming less friendly, less honest, less thankful. Maybe it's just me who's seeing this, and i'm not trying to preach doomsday, but it's a little saddening.

I just kinda wish everything could be sunshine, lolipops and rainbows. And we could all just say a quick thankyou everyday so we wouldn't need a thanksgiving. Not that I don't like thanksgiving, or don't want it. I will gladly accept that juicy white meat into my wide mouth tonight at dinner. But i'm going to be more thankful everyday, and not just for the big things. With a recent death in the family, i've come to appreciate every sunny morning.

I've made the decision that from now on, everyday will be thanksgiving for me... without the turkey (awwsnaps.).

thanksforyourtime.

This was scribbled while listening to: Tisbury Lane - Mae