unprepared.

I was almost as prepared as possible.
Apparently not.

Today was my first IB exam of eleven exams in total. Being the first, and being math, i have recently been regarding the exam as extra-important to me. I wanted to start off the string of tough exams with a bang. Plus, i've had trouble with math before, so i really wanted to prove to myself that I can do it if i try.

So, as much as i detest studying, and as hard as it is to keep myself focused for long periods of time on school work, I've been biting the bullet and digging my nose in those terrible smelling texts. When i could be blogging away, strumming away, or pwning newbs with Balanar the "Night Stalker", i exercised self control and forced myself to study.

This has been going on for a while now, because i really wanted that feeling of success.

So this morning, when i believed that i had done mostly everything i could to prepare myself, when i could do nearly every question in the review package, and actually understand why i was doing the steps, i was happy as a clam. I was under the impression i was going to go into that exam, and do decently. Maybe not ace it, but pass for certain.

Before the exam, everyone congregated in the hallway outside the library. Everyone was anxious but not scared. We were worried, but not hopeless. After all, we've spent three full semesters, a full year and a half preparing for this exam.

After recieving the exam package, i was actually excited to get started so that i could get it over with.

The exam went terribly. None of the resources available to me helped in more than a miniscule manner. All of the focuses of our three semester course were completely overprioritised by other very obscure topics on the exam paper. In no way was i prepared for the exam that i recieved.

I'm quite livid right now. I feel almost misled. I've been studying past exams for so long, workign into my mind what i should expect, and what i recieved was completely different.

And now, i don't know who's to blame for this impossible exam. Usually i'd blame myself for not being prepared, but seeing as every other math student, even the super-geniuses, have the same mentality as me right now, i honestly do not feel like it's my fault any longer. I think i prepared myself as best as i could.

Sometimes life just does not go your way.

I'll just have to deal with it.

Another math exam tommorow. Yay. this should be fun.

Song: Miss Murder - AFI