rememberthename.

A little stupid something...

He remembered my name.

It's time for a quick warning: I just re-read this post, and it made me kinda sad, it may or may not do the same for you. But be warned. happy reading. ;D

In chemistry class recently, Mr.A was called on to sub for mrs. C. Apparently she had to be away for the badminton tournament, and left a heap of work for us to do while she was away.

And this is what opened doors for a perfect display of contrast. The teacher who took the first shift for "teaching" our class was a lady i've never seen before in my life. She pretty much sat at the teacher's desk, buried her nose into some magazine, and quickly became completely oblivious to the fact that the 18 students in front of her were not doing their work, and were in fact indulging in various card games (not that we complained. yay"literature".).

The bell rang, and in came Mr. A. The first lady bolted out the door like lightning, and neglected to even say bye to the class. She made it feel like a CHORE.

Mr. A quickly took a look around, and took in what he was seeing quite quickly. He wanted everyone back to work, and sitting in their places. I, not wanting to move, decided to give him a teensy bit of lip. "Is that right? You arrrrrreee doing your work well and thoroughly... (and here, he gave me a quick look up and down as if refreshing his memory) ... Mr. Justin?"

It took me by surprise. This man has not taught me for years. In fact the last time i was in a class of his was in Grade 9 religion, a class in which i consciously and actively maintained an under-the-radar status. I was most definitely not expecting him to remember my name at all. As I would expect from most other teachers.

Now, i'm not necessarily a huge fan of this teacher. In fact, i would say he's pretty average, but having had awkward confrontations with many of my ex-teachers during which they stared at me absent-mindedly... evidently trying to work out what my name was, even though they had taught me just last semester, I was happy to know that some people don't completely forget me. It was a tiny thing, him calling me by name, but just like many other small things in my days, it set off a chain reaction of thoughts.

It's a really dumb fear, but one of my biggest paranoias in life is being forgotten. And i don't mean "when i'm gone, will anybody care?". I'm going to be arrogant and say that at least one person would care. I'm thinking more along the lines of, will i fall into the background of people's minds, and just become another face that they've come across during their highschool years. Instead of that, i'd much more like to be remembered as "the guy who spent a lot of time with me just going out for an after school snack, even if it was just for an hour and a bit" or "the guy who failed miserably at school, but he failed along with me".

I'm petrified of having the people who are important to me, not see me as someone important to them somewhere in the future.

I don't know what i'd do if one day i was walking around in the Eaton's center, and i saw one of the guys and they just walked right past me without even noticing. That would just do me in. It would make me feel old, and maybe even a bit insignificant.

And then there's me, i can't put all the pressure on everyone else, i really hope that i will never be the one to act like that, to go so far as to forget one of the people that stuck by me throughout the years. Whether we drifted, or got closer, or fought all the time, i don't ever want to forget anyone.

As embarrassing as it is, i think about this almost every single day. And now with grade 12 coming to an end, it's recurring only more often.

Every day is one day closer.

I'm constantly thinking of doing the best i can to be one of those people that you guys will not forget. And i greatly doubt that i'll ever forget you guys. Even when i'm mad at you, i'm not.

So: rememberthename. ;D

Song: You Told Me You Loved Me - Cinematic Sunrise